Because You Can

This article was originally written a decade ago. It speaks of a time frame that absolutely changed my life. As I revised it a little to share with you, I can tell the truths found in this are even more true to me today. Though it is longer than most of my posts, I hope you find it encouraging.

Because You Can

For many years, I would struggle in the month of November finding myself in various stages of discontent or self pity.  Because it was my birthday month, I would struggle with unmet expectations and dissatisfaction  with various circumstances.  But I will never forget the year God gave me a wonderful birthday gift - freedom from the dissatisfaction.  Through a variety of circumstances, I was shown that He had truly “redeemed my life from the pit” (Psalms 103), the self-pity pit.  The funny thing is, I did not realize I suffered from self pity.

Our circumstances had been tough for about three years.  

The first year, there was a six-week span when my mom had heart surgery. My husband lost his sister. Then he had a serious car accident and two emergency room visits.

The second year, we were dealing with my health, extensive medical testing and loss of vision in my right eye for a few months.  

The third year, I started treatment for MS the same day my closest friend from childhood was killed in a car accident.  Six days later my brother almost died. We spent two months traveling back and forth between Columbus, Ohio and the Cleveland Clinic.  My father-in-law also had to have serious heart surgery a few weeks after my brother. 

By June of that year, I had hit a wall.  I was having a serious faith crisis.  To me, a faith crisis was more depressing than any of the circumstances we had faced.  If I could not trust God, who could I trust?  I found it hard to believe that God loved me or that I could trust him.  He was the only one that could have changed any of these circumstances.  He knew they were coming one on top of the other, yet he allowed it.  I had never struggled like I did that June.  There was no other place to go, but I could barely do it.  One day as I was crying out for Him to lift this cloud of distrust and depression from me, I was reminded of Elijah.  In I Kings 19, Elijah was so depressed he wished he was never born.  God sent an angel to feed him and encourage him to get up.  It took the angel more than one try to help him out of that state.  So, I asked God to come get me just like he did Elijah. I knew all the “right” answers.  I knew all the things I “should” do.  But, I could not.    I could not even crawl to God.  He HAD to come get me.

It took a few months for me to realize God had answered my plea. He not only pulled me out of that state of despair but He gave me a joy I would not have known if I had walked a different journey.  

I would not have known that tears are actually a blessing or that you can have an inner joy and peace even when you are mourning or in pain.  I would not have known in my heart as well as my head that God truly can be trusted. He has a good plan for each of us even in the moments we cannot see or understand it.  Most of all I would not have had the joy of embracing today because I can. (I know the Truth of this even more today than I did a decade ago when I originally wrote those words)

A Birthday to Remember

So what happened on my birthday that year?  My husband had to work very late that night.  I was truly fine with that and thankful God had blessed his business. I took my three kids to see the lights at the local zoo.  They really wanted to ice skate for the first time.  What kind of a crazy woman takes an 8, 7 and 3 year old skating for the first time without any assistance?  One who is extremely thankful that she can.  My legs were strong that day. I was able to see their sweet, happy faces.  They were hanging on walls and hanging on me.  But we had a great time.  I saw a family there that went to my church.  Their teenage daughter immediately helped with my three year old so I could skate with the other two. I am sure she had no idea how she was blessing me that evening.  I will always remember on that birthday I ice skated with my children just because I could.

As Thanksgiving approached a week later, we were changing plans daily because my brother’s condition had taken a turn for the worse. I left Wednesday for the Cleveland Clinic in a rush.  My brother and my mom were both having a rough day. Nothing was happening the way we anticipated. Thursday (Thanksgiving) was another tough day for my brother.  The doctor gave us a variety of scenarios that could happen the following day.  But on Thanksgiving, he not only had an infection and some pending serious possibilities but they had to put in an NG tube (It pumps your stomach content out through your nose.  It is as painful as it sounds).  In the meantime my husband found out as he was driving our three kids to his sister’s for Thanksgiving, she had a very sick child.  He turned around an hour into the drive and had no idea what he was going to do with the kids on this holiday, especially with mom out of town. All these circumstances could have sent me into some type of pity party. But God is good.  He changes our hearts and teaches us to have joy in all circumstances.  My husband took my kids to our local grocery store to pick out whatever they wanted.  They chose hot dogs, potato chips and soda.  The kids thought it was hilarious.  He even pulled out a new Wii game that we had purchased for a Christmas present. They all had a great time together.  My mom and I went to a Latino restaurant in the warehouse district in Cleveland.  As our waiter told us the specials, including a traditional Turkey dinner, I decided on the goat.  Why eat goat for Thanksgiving?  Why not?!  I have never had it. I decided “today I can”.  Much like my birthday, it is a Thanksgiving I will never forget.  The next day the kids and I returned to Kroger with a list that would allow them to make dinner.  It certainly was not a Food Network special.  It included Stove Top, mashed potatoes from a bag and other prepared foods.  But, we had a great time.  My oldest son said it was his best Thanksgiving ever.  He was absolutely right. 

 
As I reflect on all that I have to be thankful for, my heart is overwhelmed.  Since that very important birthday, I have found myself dancing in the living room with my kids, because we can ( Ok - They are all teens now so “mom dancing” is forbidden in their presence) reading even more, because I can; and counting the tiniest blessings daily because God has opened the eyes of my heart in a new way, so that I can.

If you are going through a hard time yourself, just ask God to come get you.  I promise, and more importantly, He promises that He will.
Matt 6:25 Therefore, I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes.